Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
