I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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