"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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