She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
