The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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