im drinking this country out of the recession.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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