CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
