i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize