All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Randomize
