Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
