Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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