don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
