i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
