After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize