; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
