I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
