My hair reeks of homosexuality.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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