I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
we should paint friendship bongs
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