I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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