I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
