New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
