covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize