it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I could fuck to npr.
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