i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
