Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
