im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
