I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
