I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Randomize
