We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
