i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Randomize
