so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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