I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
