okay pat passed out under dana's car
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
