When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
