Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
