dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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