ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
