Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
