I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
