So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
