I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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