Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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