Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
