My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
