she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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