I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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