You smell like stripper and shame
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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