sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
