I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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