Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
