If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
