the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize