She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
His hands were made for my vagina.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
