and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize