Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize