Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
