the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
His hands were made for my vagina.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
