No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
