What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
