oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Two words: nipple clamps
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