I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think my moral compass just broke
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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