OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
