my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
