Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
