Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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