Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
