Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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